Life is short. Make fun of it.
Do you prefer smooth jazz or chunky?
Rich Dolphin by Erik Bergstrom
I’m Bad At Life: Episode 1
Jump Rope: 1793, Thomas Middleton spent a long lonely day with just a rope, inadvertently creating a playground sensation.
Pet Rock: 1963, Tyler Clemmings, a survivor of the Great Depression, realized that seeing-eye-dogs can be costly to feed. He introduced the “seeing-eye-rock”. 47 devastating lawsuits later, he reintroduced the “pet rock” (also known as the “lonely paper weight”).
Sock Monkey: 1937, Seeking to save money, Theodore Woodward finds a way to provide his children with stinkier stuffed animals.
Magic 8-Ball: 1947, After years asking regular 8-balls what the future holds, Grant Mathers had an idea. It was a success, but three years later he died of natural causes. Those natural causes: gambling debts.
Paint-by-Numbers Kit: 1958, Glen Risdale created the most successful addition to his line of educational toys designed to stifle creativity.
PEZ: 1946, Richard Burkins witnessed a man with a stoma having trouble eating a mint. He imagined “What if that man was your favorite cartoon character?”. The fun candy dispenser was born.
Lincoln Logs: 1863, Abraham Lincoln demanded reasonably priced materials to build tiny cabins he could terrorize as a “giant”.
Slinky: 1952, Gregor Remmings convinced children that defective springs were fun.
Etch-A-Sketch: 1960, Glen Risdale strikes again creating the most frustrating way to draw.
Frisbee: 1927, Michael Gibbons created a way to play fetch with his dog despite his debilitating phobia of balls and sticks.
Cabage Patch Kids: 1974, Unable to have the “bird and the bees” talk with his children, Wayne Barch comes up with a doll to elaborately misconvey human reproduction.
Hula Hoop: 1955, Arthur Melin, disappointed by a slump in island culture, created a device that trained everyone to dance like a Hawaiian woman.
Jigsaw Puzzle: 1797, Barthollemew Rathers III realized that purchasing nice pictures wasn’t frustrating enough.
Hacky Sack: 1968, Hoping to create a reason for dirty hippies to take a break from smoking pot, Charles Duncan inadvertently created something just as annoying.
The easiest way to cut your electric bill in half is with scissors.
My fear is that sleeping bags will wake up.
Come to Crickets tomorrow. Crickets is a free weekly comedy show every Monday at 8pm at Niagara Bar (7th St and Avenue A). It’s produced by Erik Bergstrom, Greg Stone, and Anthony DeVito, featuring great NYC comics.
This week we have:
Dan St. Germain (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Best Week Ever)
Calise Hawkins (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Girl Code)
Greg Warren (Craig Ferguson, Last Comic Standing)
Adam Conover (Best Week Ever, College Humor, The Wendy Williams Show)
Danny Kallas (Just for Laughs, Comedians You Should Know)